The other day I was having lunch with a friend, Dr. Garland Owensby, who is also the Director of the Youth Ministry Department at Southwestern Assembly of God University, and while we enjoyed some really good "Tuscan-style" pizza, our conversation crossed over to this topic: The Evolution of the Youth Pastor. This week I had the honor of celebrating my Fifth Anniversary here at Central Assembly of God in Enid, Oklahoma. The way that our church honored and blessed my wife and I is worthy of a whole separate article of its own. I can not fully describe to you how blessed we are to serve here at Central Assembly with Pastors Kevin and Tammie Ward.
Now it's no secret that I'm getting older. As we sat there eating Garland asked me my age and I told him that I am 31. "Wow," he said. "You age well." I told him that fortunately along with age comes experiential knowledge. Now after more than ten years of full-time ministry, I can really see how my ministry as a youth pastor has some what "evolved". Sure, things are going to change with time due to the normal changes in the culture and the world around us. Everything changes over time. However, I have noticed that even I have changed as a youth pastor. Somewhere along the way, some major changes began to take place in me, and here is what I have noted about myself ten years later:
1. I Stopped Being the Cool Adult that was Trying to Win the Approval of Students
I think that a big challenge the last ten years of my ministry has been trying to figure out who I was as a pastor and mentor. Today, I have a better understanding of who I am around students. Let's face it, it's difficult to graduate from college and step foot into a brand new ministry. It doesn't matter who you are or where you or at, it can be a really tough transition. One day you are living the college dorm life, and the next day you are leading 15 teenagers in a church van on an overnight trip. Talk about frightening! When I first began my time in full-time youth ministry, I was 21 years old. Several of my students were already 16, 17 and 18 years old. In some ways, my oldest high school students were my contemporaries, only a few years younger than I was; and the struggle that comes with authority issues and also wanting to be liked by your students is a fine line to walk. However, over the last several years, something has changed inside of me and I feel as if I have gone from being the youth pastor who was concerned with the approval of students, to being a person who is confident in himself and who God has made him to be. True, that it's not a sin to want people to like you; and I would even admit that if you aren't likable, ministry is going to present some challenges for you. However, desiring the approval of man and searching for students to like you can really cause a lot of problems in the ministry world. So if you are a young youth pastor and maybe a little "Green" around the gills, if you are searching for yourself and what type of a leader to students you are - hang on! You'll figure it out, it just might take you ten years. The second thing I have noticed about myeslf as a pastor and leaders is that at some point...
2. I Started to Become More Like a Father-Figure and Less Like a Best Friend
As I mentioned before, when I first began in full-time student ministry, my teenagers and I were just a few years apart in age. Today many of my youngest teenagers, especially those in six and seventh grade, were born about the time I was graduating from college. So the separation in age has helped a lot and the dynamics are so night and day different. Also, having children of my own and becoming a parent has also helped to change my perspective and the way I look at my students and their home lives. When I watch my students and the challenges that they face and the homes that many of them come from, it's apparent that we are leading the father-less generation today. In our current student ministry, we are intentional about using the word family. As a seventh grade small group leader, many of my students refer to me as "dad". I've come to realize that what these kids need is not another buddy, but they need a godly adult and mentor in their lives who loves Jesus and who loves them. AND every week, I work hard to be that person for my teens! The third thing I have noticed about my ministry is that...
3. I Have Become Less Concerned About the Number of Bodies, and More Concerned about the Number of Disciples
Please don't misundestand me, I am still as outreach-minded today as I was 10 years ago, and maybe even more so. I love the big events! And I'm still as hungry to reach the lost and point them to Jesus today as I was 10 years ago. A friend of mine always says, "If numbers weren't important to God, then He wouldn't have named one of the books in his Word the book of Numbers". However, I think something I had to learn was which were the right numbers to emphasize. It's about making disciples and followers of Christ, not about filling the seats with bodies. Over the years, our student ministry has grown in size, but the thing that really excites me the most is that our student leadership numbers have increased as well. Today we have more students in discipleship and leadership roles than ever before. We're not just packing out a youth room for the sake of a Wednesday night worship experience, but we are a ministry that is developing godly leaders for the kingdom. We're seeing more and more students pursue the call to full-time ministry and we're watching more and more students who leave for a university who are continuing in their walk with God while at college. But it hasn't always been this way for me. I think when we are so focused on numbers for numbers sake, that is just a sign of our insecurity. I know it was for me. However, when we are focused on numbers because those numbers accurately represent the number of disciples and leaders we are raising up, that's where it is really at. The fourth thing that I have seen evolve in my ministry over time is that...
4. I Have Learned to More Readily Forgive Offenses and Give Grace
Looking back on the beginning of my ministry, I was pretty rough and rigid. When I think about the things that I used to come down on kids for, it makes me cringe today. I think that over the past ten years God has been stretching me in the area of grace. Today I have learned that a teenager will make teenage choices and mistakes. I've watched several students do dumb things, but lately God has been giving me the ability to extend grace and love those kids. Today I wonder if some of the problems that I had with growing a student ministry in the past had to do with MY attitude. Was my lack of grace something that kept our first student ministry from growing to something it could have been? I'm not sure. I do believe that there is a direct relationship to the growth of a ministry and the growth of its leader. A ministry will never out grow it's leader, and sometimes there are things that we just have to learn. However, one thing that I have learned over the years is to let a kid be a kid and love them through their mistakes. As their youth pastor, that's all they are really wanting from you. The fourth thing that I have noticed about myself is that...
5. I Have Learned that Longevity is as Good as What Everyone Who Has Experienced it Says About it.
I have always wanted to be the guy who planted roots and stayed in one student ministry for a long period of time. Five years is not an eternity, but I have seen an awful lot of cool things in that period of time that you don't get to see after being somewhere for a short period of time. This year I am watching those who were in 7th grade when I arrived at Central graduate from High School, and my seniors are becoming college graduates and starting families of their own. It's a special time and it's something that you only get to see after staying connected and plugged in somewhere for a good period of time. I have always heard that longevity is where it is at in student ministry, and after five years at ISM, I would have to agree.
I admit today that, yes, I am getting older. However, I am thankful that with age God is teaching me some very valuable lessons. I don't ever want to stop growing or learning. If this is where I am at today, I can only imagine where another ten years of faithful student ministry will take me.
