The Low Down

Gearing Up for the Season

Today has been a great day. I had the opportunity to sleep in and gain some much needed rest. After rolling out of bed and brewing some coffee I decided that the best use of my day would be to prepare for the changing of the season. Wednesday it was an incredible 70 degrees outside. Today it reached a blistering 49. It was still warm enough to do a few things outside, so I decided to prepare for the inevitable ice and snow that will be here in a few weeks. Many of you know that we have recently moved from our apartment into a three-bedroom house. One of the perks of the house is that we have a place to store all of our things. This summer we were able to move all of our possessions out of storage. The down-side is that all of those things have been cluttering up the garage for the last few months. Today, I decided to do some re-arranging (and win some brownie points at the same time) so that this winter my wife can pull her SUV into the garage.

A few hours ago, some college students from our youth ministry finally made it home and decided to come and crash at our house. They will be here for about four days before heading to their homes for Thanksgiving. I think it's safe to say that it's now time to get into the holiday spirit.

**This is an amazing time of year. A time for family, a time for friends, a time for celebration and for thanksgiving. However, I also believe that now is a time for dreams to be birthed and nurtured. Acts 2:17 quotes the prophet Joel when it says, "In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams." Over the next few days, I will be posting a series on the topic of "dreams". Please be sure to check back and leave some comments! 

Second Day

Today was KJ's second day of school. She came home excited. Yesterday
was her first day and her teacher was amazed at how ready and prepared she was. It made me proud as a dad, but that doesn't mean I am ready for her to grow up too quickly!

Family Relationships: Dealing with Sibs

The past few posts have dealt extensively with family and dysfunction in our family units. My last two blogs, have mainly shed some insight on how we can live and survive while dealing with issues that we face with our parents, but these are not the only relationships that seem to give students trouble. In this post, I want us to look at what it means to deal with sibs. Sort of sounds like a disease, doesn’t it? And it is true that our students deal everyday with how they are supposed to deal with their sibling relationships. So what does God say about our brothers and sisters? As I have already said before family is supposed to be a gift from God. So what do we do when there is trouble on the home front?  

All throughout scripture we see this relationship of brothers and sisters patterned for us in the lives of Biblical characters. We know that from the very beginning of time with Cain and Abel, the first two siblings, that there have been issues between children in the same family. We see the rivalry that takes place between Isaac and Ishmael. We know of the deception that drove apart Jacob and Esau. We know about the ten brothers who threw their younger brother Joseph into a pit and sold him into Egyptian slavery. Living with brothers and sisters can sometimes be a challenge. So how do we explain to our teens that there are good things in our sibling relationships?  How do we help them realize that brothers and sisters are not only worth fighting with, but that they are also worth fighting for?

Tell them that Siblings Appreciate their Differences

It’s funny how similar some siblings look, and at the same time some brothers and sisters could pass as complete strangers. Whatever the case may be, I think we need to learn to appreciate the fact that God has made all of us different and unique. Even twins in many ways are so very different. I grew up in a home with a brother who was six years older than me, so I understand that there is often competition in family (this is especially true for siblings of the same sex). There’s an extreme amount of competition to live up to being so and so’s brother or sister. But be thankful that you aren’t your sibling and that siblings have differences. That’s what makes us all unique and special. God has a patent on you – and you are one of a kind.

Tell them that Siblings Have Each Others’ Back

I love the story of Dinah in scripture found in Genesis chapter 34.  It’s a story that is so cool that Hollywood could take it and make a really interesting two hour blockbuster movie over it.  Dinah was so hot.  There was no doubt about it, she was a knock out – a perfect 10. She was out on the town visiting some of the women in her city and while she was out and about there was a guy from another tribe of people who caught a glimpse of her.  In fact, she was so beautiful that the moment he laid eyes upon her, he began to fall in love with her.  Instantly, Schechem began to devise a way that he could be with her.  He knew that it would be tough, because they were from two separate clans – two clans that never intermarried. However, his heart pounded for her, so he kept himself secret as he began to follow her. As she turned to leave the city and began to head home Shechem caught her by surprise. He ambushed her and as scripture says, “He violated her”. She was raped. Dinah went home and told her father, Jacob what had happened. Jacob was devastated. He set up a meeting with Shechem’s father, Hamor. Hamor relayed to Jacob how desperate his son was to have Dinah as his bride. However, Dinah’s brothers stepped up to the plate and this is what they said, “We will only give our consent to you on one condition only: That you become like us by circumcising all your males. Then we will give you our daughters and take your daughters for ourselves.” Crazy, huh? Was all of that worth it for Schechem to have Dinah as a wife? It must have been because scripture says in verse 24, that all of the men in the city followed suit and were circumcised. Three days later, though, while all of them were still in pain, two of Jacob’s sons, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, took their swords and attacked the unsuspecting city, killing every male. The men were too sore from their “surgeries” that they couldn’t even put up a fight. So what does this story teach us? It just goes to show that siblings have each other’s back.  I think it’s funny how you can beat up on a sibling, but if anyone else tries to touch them – it’s on man! Why? Because that’s my bro or that’s my sis – and siblings have each other’s back.

Tell them that Siblings Rejoice in Each Other’s Success

Sometimes that’s tough to do. Just ask the guy in Luke 15. The prodigal son comes back to the house, but unfortunately his brother isn’t too excited about his return and the party celebrating it. Obviously, he didn’t understand that siblings rejoice in each other’s successes. We celebrate their induction to the Honor Society even if we didn’t make it in. We celebrate their spot on the Varsity Volleyball team even though we are warming the bench on JV. We rejoice with our siblings when they succeed. That’s just what family does. 

So if we want to encourage our teens to have awesome relationships with their siblings, then we need to tell them these three things. Listen, we only have one family - and life is too short to be at odds with brothers and sisters, moms and dads. So let’s help our teenagers to see the best in their siblings before it’s all too late!  

Family Relationships: Why Dysfunctional?

It's true that for the majority of us, we live with dysfunctional families. Almost every family has a drunk uncle Louie or a crazy aunt Sally. Sure, some are weirder than others, and some are even a bit more difficult to deal with than others. AND it's funny how our families have moved from the Brady Bunch-like model to more of the Raymond and Rosanne family models.  So how do we help our students deal with dysfunction?  Well, first of all, it's not new. Just check out some of the crazy stories of people in the Bible. We know about the rivalry that took place between Ishmael and Isaac. We know about Jacob who stole the birthright from his brother Esau and damaged that relationship. We know about David's son Amnon who was crazy in love with his step-sister Tamar. So crazy that he deceived her and lured her into his bed and slept with her causing a huge family fued (as you can imagine). We know the crazy story of how Abram told Pharaoh that Sarai, his sister was his wife in Genesis 12:10-20. So how are we supposed to function in dysfunctional families? What do we tell our teenagers that will help them out?

1.  Tell them that people mess up.

     Where there are people, there will inevitably be mistakes. Once again, our families are human. What we need to understand is that people often tend to live according to their sinful nature. Abram made the stupid decision of asking his wife to say that she was his sister. How messed up is that? - And it happened simply because Abram, like the rest of us was born with a sin nature - and people with a sin nature - sin. It's true that people mess up. Sometimes dysfunctional families have been wrecked by divorce. I've seen parent splits literally shake some teenagers that I would consider to be very strong. Sometimes constant bickering and hatred between two parents is enough to really devastate a home. For some teens, it's a sibling rivalry that makes home a place that is no fun to be. However, what we need to help students realize is that because my parents, friends, or family have made bad decisions and choices in their lives, doesn't mean that they are bad people. They are just people who have made poor decisions. Deep down inside, their hurting - and as the saying goes- "hurt people, hurt people." Abram made his stupid decision out of fear, and many times the people in our lives will do the same.  People mess up.

2.  Tell them that mess-ups can be cleaned up.

     With God, the amazing thing is that as quickly as mistakes are made, mess-ups can be cleaned up as well. Sure messes are no fun, but there is hope. Wherever there are mistakes, understand that there is usually a distribution of God's grace in the area. AND here's the cool part for all of us, "God is the God of second chances." So don't give up on your situation. I have always heard that where there are mistakes, there are also opportunities for God to do miracles. And we know that God is still in the miracle working business! 

3.  Tell them that clean-ups cost a great price.

     However, just because mess-ups can be cleaned up, doesn't mean that we should take God's grace lightly. Why? Because clean-ups cost a great price. I hope that when you see or hear of a family that was in shambles that have been put back together by God's grace, that you also understand that a great price has been paid. We all know that almost seven years ago our country was rocked when two airplanes crashed into the twin towers in New York City on 9/11/2001.  Right now there stands a beautiful memorial in memory of that occasion and the many lives that were taken on that day.  However, what a lot of people don't know is that according to an October 2001 article from CNN, here on the web, the clean-up was estimated to cost the city of New York over 1 billion dollars in clean up costs. I hope you understand that clean-ups cost a great price. For Abram, Pharaoh was able to over look his mistake. Once Pharaoh figured out that Sarai was Abram's wife he had her sent out, thankful that he had never touched her. However, when it came to Abram, Pharaoh was pretty ticked at him for lying and say that "she is my sister." So in the midst of the famine, Abram and Sarai were made to leave Egypt. Their place of rescue. Their city of safety and food during the famine, the entire reason they had moved in the first place was now forfeited because the cost of clean-up is a great price. Scripture tells us of one who has come to pay the price for us. His name is Jesus. Our lives were such a mess, but Jesus came to clean. He has come to bring us hope once again. He has come to wipe away the messes that we have made, and the messes that our families have made - and it cost Him a great price - His life. So won't you submit yourself to Him?  

Here's the crazy part, Hollywood wants to justify your dysfunctional family by helping you to have the mind-set that because everyone lives in a dysfunctional family, it's alright that your family is messed up too. It's alright for my family to be messed up because everyone else's family is messed up in America. Listen, it's not alright that my family is screwed up.  It's not ok any more that our families compare more evenly to the Conner family more than they do to the Bradys. It's not alright for me, and I'm going to fight to win my family back for Christ, but the only way the battle is going to be won is on our faces in prayer. So I'm going to fight. What about you?

Family Relationships: What Does it Mean to Honor?

In my last post on family, I mentioned that we need to help our teens deal with the families that they are living in - the types of families that many of our teens are trying to survive living in.  As I mentioned before, our teens aren't living in the family units that you I grew up in. (In the next post, I will deal quite a bit with dysfunctional families). However, I think it's important that we help our students develop a good foundation before we attempt to fix any of their problems. Now, I'm a big fan of Jeanne Mayo and one of the quotes that I often take from her when it comes to family relationships comes from a sign that hangs above the Mayo family door (according to Josh Mayo's book, Help! I'm Raising Kids while Doing Ministry).  It says, "This is my family which will always be an anchor for me when the world turns on me and when my friends wrong me. I know that this unique group of people will always have my back and be a group of people who I can run to." Isn't that awesome. Family should be a tight-unit and home should be a place that we can run to when we need that special comfort.  However, even when families aren't tight - we still have a God given responsibility - AND that is what we first need to help our students understand.

It's so difficult, and tough for a student who has been dealt a pretty crappy family to understand, but we need to help them understand that it's the WORD of God and not man.  Check out what Ephesians 6 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." I think there are three key components to laying the foundation for students to understand.

1. First of all, they need to understand that Parents are Human and will unfortunatley make mistakes.

     Children, kids and teenagers aren't the only ones who make mistakes in life, so why do they seem like the only one's who have been given a free pass to mess up. Why not parents too? Aren't they human as well?  Another thing we often forget is that though, a lot of parenting does come natural - for many of us this is our first shot at it. Unless you have siblings that are a whole lot older than you are, your parents had to learn as they went - AND this means learning on the fly. I had a great laugh the other day when I saw some students at a local high school carrying around their "flour babies".  I laughed because I remember carrying my bag of flour in the eighth grade and now as a parent to a nearly four year old little girl, it is quite comical because that bag of flour taught me nothing. Absolutely squat. AND it's amazing to me that the slack that we normally cut people, we don't so easily cut for our parents. So I think that the first step as a mentor in helping kids with their family life is to remind them that their parents are human and to expect some mistakes. Teach them to be quick to forgive! 

2. Secondly, we need to teach our teens that Parents are given Authority by God.

     Ouch! This is definatley a part that we have some struggles with right off of the bat. However, just because they have been given authority over us doesn't mean that parents get to Lord over us, either. Understand that God has some strick rules for parenting that parents have to submit to and that they will one day answer to Him for. As Peter Parker's uncle said, "With great power comes great responsibility" - and he's right.  I know that sometimes following our parents in obedience is tough. Now God makes a disclaimer, when He says to obey your parents, "in the Lord". Now does this mean that if your parents aren't Christians, and you are, that you are exempt from obeying them?  Of course not, but what it means is that unless they are telling you to do something contrary to the Word of God, then you had better obey. Why? Because it is "right" - and it's what God has commanded us to do because our parents have been given authority over us. Help your students to realize that they will be judged according to how they responded to that God-given authority in their lives! 

3. The last thing that our Students Need to Understand is that Parents are to be Honored.

     Not only are our parents to be obeyed and their rules for us to be followed through, but understand that our parents are also to be honored in special ways.  In other words, we are to go the extra-mile to serve them for they are the only mother and father we will ever have. In fact, scripture emphasizes this point so much that it even extends a promise that he/she who honors their parents will enjoy an even greater life.  We need to encourage our teens to respect their parents by the way they talk to them and by the way they respond to their parents' rules.  Why do we always expect our parents to initiate the conversation and enhance our relationship as parents and children?  Instead, we need to urge our students to take some ownership and plan out dates with their parents - to plan out family nights.  Encourage your guys to buy their mothers flowers for no reason whatsoever, and for daughters to bring home a bag of popcorn, pop, and an action movie to watch with dad. Why? Because Colossians 3:20 tells us that when we honor our parents, "God is pleased".

I understand that sometimes life deals us a tough family to cope with, but I also understand that there are certain things in life that we have no control over. The only thing that we can control is what we do with what we have been given. So let me urge you to encourage your students to go to every length to love their parents as best as possible. I know that there are certain instances where even students who try hard to love their parents and who work hard at being obedient are dumped on. However, for the most part, I believe that if students will understand these three thoughts...(1) That parents are human (2) That they are given Authority over us from God and that (3) It is our calling to do everything possible that we can to honor them.  If students truly try to understand and put these thoughts into action - it will literally change their lives. So teach it and have them try it - I bet it works!  After all, it is God's Word to us.

Rooby Dooby Doo

Today was a great day. It all started off with an awesome time of prayer this morning before our service. Sunday School was a great time as well, as Pastor Kevin is walking us through a study called, "Make Life, Not Just a Living". Our Sunday morning was greatly attended and there was a sweet presence of God in the place. This afternoon I had the opportunity to pray the invocation at Chisholm High School's Baccalaureate service. Following the ceremony, it was time for our evening service at Central. My intern, Matthew and newest addition to the team, Staci, rocked the house with their messages and testimonies. They did an awesome job and I am so proud of them. We finished up the night with some dinner at McDonalds and now I am watching Scooby Doo with my little girl. What better way to end the day, huh?

No Longer Yesterday's Family

As you and I very well know we are no longer dealing with yesterday's family. I remember watching the Brady Bunch re-runs on television when I was growing up, and I can remember imagining that my family could look and act just like theirs.  It seemed as if their family had it all together.  It was amazing to me that four ladies and four guys could join together and form a family unit that was so tight - so tight in fact, that they looked more "together" than my family.  Dad (Mike Brady) had a great and stable job as an architect, while mom worked hard around the house.  They had a live-in maid, Alice, who loved the kids like they were her own.  She had a boy friend, Sam the butcher, and we have no reason to believe that their relationship was anything but innocent.  As I look back on this television show, and even watch re-runs today I ask the question, "what was Hollywood trying to tell us about the families of that day?"  Because, times have definately changed.  Those families are no longer the families of today.

My heart aches and is broken for the types of students that I have the opportunity to hangout with and minister to every day.  We have students going home to junk that you and I would have never dreamed of as a kid.  We have kids who leave our youth ministry on Wednesday night praying that mom or dad is sober.  We have kids who are being abused by parents and family members sexually, physically, verbally, and emotionally.  We have students who wake up in the morning with strangers in their home because mom or dad has brought their one-night-stand home.  Does this sound like the Brady Bunch anymore? 

So how do we help these teens?  What do we say to them to help them to live and survive in these unbelievable conditions?  Better yet, how do we help them to see and understand that even though their parents are being bone-headed that they are called by God to "honor thy father and mother"?  How do we help them to deal with sibling relationships that are infested with conflict and hatred?  Over the next few days, I am going to blog and share with you some of the things that we have done and talked about with our students to help them with some of these issues that they have faced, and are even facing right now in their lives. 

It's easy to see that we are no longer living in a world full of Leave it to Beaver or Brady Bunch families.  Just look at the sitcom's that run on the air today.  Hardly any of the shows that are on deal with solid family-units.  If you want to watch that you have to catch re-runs of Home Imporvement on Nic.  However, the shows that run today deal with broken families and alternative lifestyles.  In other words, Hollywood has changed their tune because the viewers have changed theirs.  This issue that we are talking about is very real and it's an issue that has burdened my heart.  So over the next few days, let's look to see what God says about the family unit, and what His word says about family matters. 

Rock until you Pass Out

As you can see from the picture attached to this post, sometimes people are happy when you come home. So happy that they get worn out from all of the excitement. At least this was the case for our boxer, Deuce. We made it home safely and we made sure that we set some time aside to catch our DVR recordings. We've just been here kicking it. On a different note, its pretty obvious that I have been a pretty late night blogger lately, so thanks for being patient with me.